Ha! OK, not really. Kim Marciniak and Toni Oppliger were both strangely overmatched by the contest, and several of the gladiators seemed a little out of it, too. Neither competitor did particularly well on any event on this showing of "American Gladiators".

1. The episode began with "Power Ball", and while Marciniak was able to dunk two balls, Oppliger went scoreless.
2. Next up was "Joust", and while both contestants won their event, in each case it was mostly due to Siren being strangely unable to stay on her feet.
3. The third event was "Hang Tough" - Oppliger managed to hang in there for the full time but didn't reach the opposite platform. Marciniak was dunked by Fury.
4. "Assault" was tedious, with both competitors running out the clock without sending Hellga skyward. At least I think that's what happened - I flipped over to Fox News to watch the Beltway Boys do the pregame on President Bush's State of the Union at this point.
5. Coming back for "Eliminator", Oppliger wearily dragged herself through the course, where Marciniak took several minutes just to get over the first wall. Marciniak did not cover herself in glory. The third time she tried to climb the rope, I started watching through my fingers in embarrassment for her. During her post-game interview, I was afraid she was going to start talking about "U.S. Americans" and "the Iraq". That's the only thing that could have made it seem even more interminable.

At least we've finally reached the finals.

Tonight is going to be awesome on "American Gladiators". In the ladies' competition (the only one we care about), 46-year-old Toni Oppliger will face off against 28-year-old Kim Marciniak.

Oppliger, a phys. ed. teacher, is the oldest competitor in this season's "American Gladiators". Marciniak is a former Rutgers University dance team member, and New York Knicks dancer.

Tune in at 8/7c tonight on NBC!